I had a major AHA moment this week. During a course with Jenna Kutcher, she said “You cannot be a people pleaser and be authentic at the same time.” WOAH. I’ve pondered these words so many times in the past few days. I mean, as a former people pleaser myself, it’s kind of crazy to think about.
But get this...when we put others’ needs ahead of our own, we are doing so at our own expense. While some would say it’s selfish to put your needs ahead of others, I say it’s selfish not to. It is only when we stop people pleasing that we can live a fulfilling life that is in alignment with our deepest wants and needs.
Understanding the importance of living authentically has been a huge part of my journey to living more simply. When we do things because they make us happy, we are removing distractions and choosing to be more intentional with our time. I’m excited to share these tips so you can stop people pleasing and start living authentically today.
SAY NO
Have you ever said yes to something because you felt like you were obligated to? Maybe it was an event that you didn’t want to attend, or an extra project that you really didn’t have the capacity for. You thought you were doing the right thing, but now the date is quickly approaching and you’re wondering why in the world you agreed to this?! Yep, I’ve been there and it’s NOT a good feeling.
Here’s the thing – saying no is crucial to setting boundaries. And setting boundaries is crucial to self-love. Stop saying yes at the expense of your mental health – the only person you’re hurting in the long run is yourself. And the beauty of all this? You don’t owe any sort of justification or explanation. In the words of Annie Lamott, “’No’ is a complete sentence.”
REMEMBER THAT GROWTH AND CHANGE IS NORMAL
You are NOT obligated to stay stagnant because your growth makes someone uncomfortable. Read that again. We are meant to grow, change and evolve as humans. Just because something once served you, doesn’t mean it always will. And that’s okay.
Material possessions. Toxic relationships.
Unhealthy habits.
Business systems.
[ANYTHING] that is no longer serving you.
When something or someone has served its purpose, let it go. Confidently. Without guilt. Without resentment.
LISTEN TO YOUR GUT
Do you rely on your mind or your intuition to guide important decisions? Are you making your next big move because it’s truly what you want or because you feel like it’s expected of you?
There are so many societal pressures and expectations placed on us… Go to university. Secure a good job. Get married. Buy a house. Have babies. Advance your career. But here’s the thing – if you’re going to pursue something – pursue it because it MAKES YOU HAPPY. If you’re doing something just because you think you should, you are not staying true to yourself and will never feel fulfilled.
Determine what it is that you truly want and go for it. If this stresses you out because you are worried about what people may think, guess what? Pretending to be someone you’re not is going to cause you a hell of a lot more stress than that.
I challenge you to implement these tips right away! The sooner you can say no to people pleasing, the sooner you can say yes to a fulfilling and intentional life.
